AW Sloth: The Sloth Alternative to AWP
AWP is a great place for writers to meet from across the world and display their written wares. Networking remains incredibly important for any career path whether writing or otherwise. Unfortunately budgetary constraints prevent Beach Sloth from attending AWP, that truly star-studded event. In order to ensure a successful Beach Sloth presence at AWP without expending time or energy, Beach Sloth is doing things differently. Unlike previous years where Beach Sloth failed to acknowledge AWP, this year Beach Sloth fully acknowledges it with the first annual ‘AW Sloth’ event.
For those unaware (which is everyone) ‘AW Sloth’ is an event dedicated to the cuteness that is the sloth life. Sloths have been in the news lately for their ability to potentially improve human health with their unique ecosystem that grows with them. Happy to get this level of attention and mention (with sloths being favorably mentioned by the New York Times) sloths have decided that in 2014 the ‘AW Sloth’ convention is happening.
Where is ‘AW Sloth’ being held? This is going to happen online in order to successfully acknowledge the extreme adorability that sloths possess. One day the cuteness of the sloth is going to save the world. Beach Sloth is going to be there for that illustrious event. Until then Beach Sloth encourages everyone to share delightful pictures of sloths either on Facebook, Tumblr, or plenty of other social networking sites so others may see the error of their ways. Sloths spend most of their time online since it requires little movement or calories. Literally centuries of being branded ‘a sin’ has ruined the sloth’s self-esteem. Now that sloths have health benefits they ought to be fully embraced.
Beach Sloth encourages everyone to hug sloths. For AWP Beach Sloth encourages everyone to pretend to be him. This will be a very good thing. Anyone interested in pretending to be Beach Sloth must make sure to include the requisite Beach Sloth sayings which are well-known. Those sayings include:
“I’m a sloth”
“I blog hard”
Lots of superlatives because that’s how Beach Sloth rolls
Unhealthy obsession with obscure experimental groups across the world
Alt Lit stuff
Whoever is interested in representing Beach Sloth for this year’s AWP can simply do it without any contact with Beach Sloth whatsoever. 2013 was the year that Beach Sloth came out to greet his many fans. 2014 is the year that the mystery is reborn. Go forth and pretend to be me